Weekend Video Bonus: Judges' Game

To distract you from boredom, on the weekend morning before the games start, consider the following moment of cinematic genius.

What to Watch: July 17

Here's what you should be watching tonight while earning points for being thorough.

- Giants at Pirates; 7:05PM
Tim Lincecum returns to the mound and is given the opportunity to ease his way back after starting in the ASG.

- Tigers at Yankees; 7:05PM
If AJ Burnett continues to pitch the way he has, Yankees fans will be very happy indeed. Some guy named "French" is on the hill opposing him this evening.

- Red Sox at Toronto; 7:07PM
Clay Buchholz is finally getting a Major League start after tearing up the minors. He opposes Rookie of the Year favorite Ricky Romero in a battle of good, young pitchers.

- Phillies at Marlins; 7:10PM
Cole Hamels looks to put further distance between the reigning champs and the rest of the pile.

- Rays at Royals; 8:10PM
Brian Bannister and James Shields square off in a matchup that isn't likely to make Royals fans any happier as they see a team that actually had success despite being "small market." Take notes, Mr. Moore.

- Diamondbacks at Cardinals; 8:15PM
Chris Carpenter! Boners!

- Astros at Dodgers; 10:15PM
Roy Oswalt toes the slab against Chad Billingsley in what can be described as a great matchup on paper. Except for the whole 10:15PM thing.

And there are a few other games on too.

Truth Be Told

If - and this is a huge 'if' - the Bombers work out the specifics, actualize rumors, and pull the trigger on a deal that sends Joba Chamberlain to the Toronto Blue Jays (along with a hefty bounty) in exchange for staff ace/golden god, Roy Halladay, legions upon legions of New York Yankees fans would be sent into a frenzy. They'd be angry, sad, confused, hungry, sleepy, and a little dumbfounded as to why the brass is once again dealing away homegrown talent for cagey veterans.

But not me. I'm all for it. I signed up. Let's send him up north and bring in one of the best and most unheralded pitchers of the decade to sure up what will be the best top-of-the-rotation in baseball.

And to be honest, most fans are idiots - they can take it up the ass for all I care...

So hear me out for a moment. Yes, Halladay is 32 years old, Joba is 23, and both have stuff granted by God's magical wand (I assume he uses a wand). But we're talking about Roy Halladay, people! Roy "Doc" Halladay! The best right-handed pitcher in the American League, if not all of baseball! (Easy J, I didn't knock Lincecum)...Can I use any more fucking exclamation points? I don't know, I don't know! Someone get me some oxygen and a pack of Parliament Lights!

/blows load

Forget Halladay's age. He's got at least five more seasons in him. If he gives the Yankees four, I'll be happy. Six? I'll be golden. And even then, at Doc's retirement send-off at the stadium, the Yankees can begin preparation to bring back their very own Joba Chamberlain (if he's successful), who will probably be making his first trip into free agency.

And make no mistake about it, if the Yankees place Halladay into a rotation that already includes the Acronym Twins, there's not a team out there that can match up in a 5 game series. Not one. Throw Andy Pettitte in there during the regular season - assuming he gets his stubborn head out of his ass - the Yankees will barely need a fifth starter, meaning Hughes can stay in the pen and continue to pitch as Mo's set-up man, at least for this season. It's a win win situation, we're all going to the fucking circus tonight!

Emotionally, will I be upset if the Yanks dismiss Joba? Of course. He's carved a niche in my blackened, twisted heart. But seeing Roy Halladay's ginger-beard donning pinstripes will probably soothe any lingering heart-ache. And let's be honest here, this team needs to win this season. Not tomorrow, not after breakfast - Now! Pitching wins championships. So let's go fucking win one already.

In Case You Missed It: And We're Back

Here's what you may have missed from last night's action while getting an unnecessary amount of money.

- Atlanta eeked out a 5-3 victory over the still hapless Mets.

- Cliff Lee and the Tribe enjoyed a tidy victory over the M's.

- The Phillies shutout the Marlins 4-0 on the strength of two Raul Ibanez homers and one Ryan Howard blast.

- What curse?

- Kendry Morales added his own blast to the fray.

And there were a couple of other games on.

What to Watch: July 16

Here's what you should be watching tonight while flying on the noisiest plane ever.

- Cubs at Nationals; 7:05PM
The Jim Riggleman era is underway! Stretching the definition of "change" indeed.

- Mariners at Indians; 7:05PM
Cliff Lee looks to exact justice for that All-Star snubbing.

- Mets at Braves; 7:10PM
Oh look, Oliver Perez is back in the rotation. That'll help close the gap in the NL East for sure!

- Brewers at Reds; 7:10PM
Derby jinx! ZOMG!

- Phillies at Marlins; 7:10PM
This is actually an interesting series on paper, which means it will be a blowout of boring proportions.

- Rockies at Padres; 10:05PM
Has a team ever been no-hit twice in the same year? The Padres stand as good a chance as any to accomplish this in 2009.

- Angels at Athletics; 10:05PM
Ervin Santana is probably wondering how he can be relevant again. Dallas Braden is just wondering how he could have less of a gay name.

- Astros at Dodgers; 10:10PM
Really stressful post-break series for the Dodgers here. Not.

And that's actually all the games on tonight as we ease our way back into things.

Of Pitch Values and Wasting Your Time

Recently, in their quest to ensure that I never want to leave my computer, Fangraphs added a section about individual pitch types that weight the "potency" of individual pitchers' offerings by the amount of runs that a team saves when a pitcher employs them. I linked to an article about Dan Haren's mighty fastball in yesterday's Hump de Bump. You should definitely check that out and perhaps pair it with a second publication about Tim Lincecum's pants-shittingly awesome (mancrush!) changeup. If nothing else, these pitch weights will help to further decide who are among the best pitchers in the game and who has "the best stuff."

Anywho, I thought it would be interesting to look at the Yankees rotation and determine who has the most effective pitches of each of the major types offered by Fangraphs. Some of this may be obvious, but hopefully there might be some pleasant surprises. Now, since Chien-Ming Wang is injured and awful, I will exclude him from the analysis. The eligible pool of pitchers will be defined as: CC Sabathia, A.J. Burnett, Andy Pettitte, Phil Hughes, Joba Chamberlain and Alfredo Aceves .

Now then, let's get this whole wankfest going. For those of you who don't know, these decimal values reflect how many runs the pitch type saves for every 100 times it is thrown.

"Don't let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel THE HEAT around the corner."

Sabathia	Burnett	Pettitte	Hughes	Namesake	Aceves
0.65	-0.80	-1.06	-0.11	-1.20	0.12

Alright, so the winner in this pillow fight of a horse race is clearly the Yankees big investment of the offseason. What's disturbing here is that nobody on staff has a truly remarkable fastball at this point in the season (certainly not on the level with say, a Dan Haren). Perhaps the most shocking/disappointing from an individual perspective is the abysmal performance of Joba in this field. When the namesake hit the scene in 2007 as a reliever his fastball was saving the Yankees 1.51 runs for every 100 offerings. That number dipped to 0.79 in 2008 and continued it's decline in 2009.

What does this mean? In short, the heat that made Chamberlain a great reliever has not carried over to his role in the rotation. Now I am definitely NOT flip-flopping and saying he should be moved back to the pen because I would be worried about the earth spinning off its axis, but you really have to wonder what is making Joba such a different (and clearly less effective) pitcher when he's in the rotation. Did the injury in 2008 and/or the delivery change in spring training of 2009, both of which could have led to the diminished velocity we're seeing this year, transform Chamberlain from a knockout flamethrower to a league-average or worse pitcher? More importantly, how long are the Yankees going to wait on their supposed ace of the future to turn it around as they enter the second half trailing the Red Sox in a tight AL East race?

Hooks and Sliders, Respectively

Sabathia	Burnett	Pettitte	Hughes	Namesake	Aceves
-3.48/0.64	1.88/21.76	1.24/1.04	0.46/NA	-0.07/0.86	2.85/NA

Not a whole lot to see here, folks. Sabathia has never really relied on a curve, but his slider is showing good value as an out pitch, as anyone who actually watches his starts will notice. Burnett continues to wield the mighty hammer he has shown throughout his career and it's fun to watch him drop a big hook over the plate that batters never even have a chance at. The video-game-esque number for his slider is probably indicative of the fact that he never uses it. Pettitte's breaking stuff is what makes him a good backend starter.. Joba's slider is still great even if his fastball sucks nuts. Hughes and Aceves are showing good stuff.

In other words, despite lacking impressive fastballs, the Yankees staff seems to have great secondary stuff. One would think this is counter intuitive since breaking pitches are often set up by the primary heat but whatever, we'll roll with it. Hopefully the staff continues to roll as well.

Ch-ch-changes and Deep Cut(ter)s, Respectively

Sabathia	Burnett	Pettitte	Hughes	Namesake	Aceves
3.48/NA	0.69/NA	-0.90/0.88	-1.92/1.31	-3.18/NA	3.63/1.98

More of the same general trends here. Again, despite not having great fastballs (at least statistically) the two front-end "power" pitchers are seeing great results with their offspeed pitches. Awesome or unsustainable, you decide.

Also encouraging is the emergence of Phil Hughes' cutter as an effective big league pitch. Hughes recently added it to his repertoire and it's nice to see it working at the Major League level. If he could develop his other pitches, which he strangely had prior to the cutter, then his position as a rotation fixture would only be enhanced.

Of course, nobody even comes close to the type of cutter that the great Mariano Rivera has used throughout his career (career 2.12 runs saved for 100 throws), but it certainly helps to have the younger fellas learning from the master as other great pitchers have seemingly done.

(glances at Roy Halladay)

Well, there you have it folks. Now that the data has been semi-organized to save you the extreme hassle of flipping through Fangraphs pages, what do you think? Does anything else jump out at you that I haven't mentioned?

Programming note: In Case You Missed It will not be seen today. Because there was no baseball on, you see.

Do try to contain your sadness.