Weekend Warrior: You have insulted my honor, I challenge you to a duel

Every weekend (read: when we feel like it), 3:10TJ will award a person related to Major League Baseball the title of Weekend Warrior for making the most newsworthy piece of news from the past week. The Weekend Warrior runs every umm weekend, check it out.

This week's Weekend Warrior is... Richie Sexson. Hopefully the large first baseman doesn't take umbrage at this award and hurl his batting helmet at me...

Congratulations Richie Sexson, your brawl with Rangers' pitcher Kason Gabbard has been the talk of baseball analysts, fans, and the blogosphere the world over and for this you are certainly deserving of the honor of being the Weekend Warrior. What many people, including me, find utterly hilarious about the whole ordeal is how not close to your head the pitch actually was. High? No doubt. Inside? Uhh, not especially.

Clearly, Richie has some vision problems and nothing demonstrates this more effectively than the equally embarrassing batting helmet tomahawk maneuver. I suppose I would be angry and against the idea of getting on base if I was rocking a batting average below .220 thus far through the season. I think Sexson's fear of first base and actually performing well to earn that lucrative contract he was given (another absolutely golden move by Mariners' dunce Bill Bavasi) was made manifest in this angry outburst. Richie clearly had enough of this whole success thing and was quite happy existing with high suckitude. Any attempt to disrupt his comfortable existence in Waste-of-Space Land would be met with violence as Kason Gabbard unfortunately found out.



Even more hilarious is the fact that this little stunt earned Sexson a (really well deserved) six game suspension. In a post-game interview following the news of the suspension on Friday night, Richie tried to defend himself by saying that Gabbard has such impeccable control the pitch was clearly thrown with the intent of injury. This reasoning is just awesome. If Gabbard has such impeccable control and he was trying to hurt you, then why would he throw it over the middle of the plate but only high. Don't think about it too long Mr. Sexson, you might start to get angry and we wouldn't like you when you're angry. Also, seeing as you can't hit worth a lick anymore, perhaps getting you out of the lineup will relieve some of Seattle's miserable offensive woes. In fairness to Sexson, in the same interview he admitted that the helmet toss was a total bitch move.

So congratulations, Richie Sexson, you certainly made the week for us normal folks much more enjoyable and deserve the honor of being named the Weekend Warrior.

Honorable mention goes to this guy, who gained his fifteen minutes of notoriety thanks to his amazing HR ball catch while maintaining the hold of his infant child. I will even forgive him the grave sin of being an adult with a baseball glove simply because he didn't fumble the baby.



Remember to tune in later today, at 8:05 PM to see the first extblogaganza at 3:10 To Joba.